Fearless (Less Is More Book 2) Read online

  “No,” I say, crossing my arms. “I’m a heavy sleeper, though, so if he does, I never know about it. I’ve only ever woken up once to him having one and it was the first night I ever stayed all night with him. He was freaking out and crying and I didn’t know what to do.”

  She yawns and throws her head back

  “You not sleep last night either?” I ask her.

  “No,” she says. “I wasn’t tired. I just cleaned the apartment and situated random things.”

  “You’re gonna make yourself sick doing that all the time,” I say, handing the clipboard to the nurse at the desk.

  “I’ll be fine, Cody,” she says. “Are you going to sleep over there again tonight or at home?”

  “I’ll be home,” I say. “Ethan will probably come over. We’re going to dinner later.”

  “Good,” she says. “I haven’t seen him in a week and a half and I need him to look at my computer.”

  “What’s wrong with it?”

  “It has a virus, I think. It’s really slow.”

  “Been watching things you shouldn’t be?” I ask her, smiling.

  “A busy, working girl like myself has to satisfy herself in whatever ways she can manage.” She looks down at her phone and sees the time and says, “I gotta go. I’ll see you tonight.”

  Carrie has been my roommate, and one of my best friends, since we graduated together years ago. Being from a big family, she moved away right out of high school and hardly talks to any of her family anymore. She told me when we first moved in together that I was more like family then any of them ever were. Her brown hair and, lightly, freckled face are only a fraction of what makes her a beautiful person on the inside and out.

  I make my way to the cafeteria to take my lunch break. Finding Ethan on the couch again this morning worries me because I know the dreams are getting worse. I just wish he’d tell me what they’re really about. Nightmares, usually, have a reason for occurring and something must have happened if he’s having them this often.

  I sit down at the empty table in the corner and lay my phone on the table. As soon as I do, it lights up and Ethan’s name displays on the screen.

  How’s Work Today?

  Good, how was breakfast?

  Good. Found her a dress for some date she’s having.

  What time you want to have dinner?

  7. Have to go to the office and get my schedule for the week.

  Ok, love you.

  Love you, too.

  Ethan sends me a kiss emoji, and an eggplant right after, and I laugh. I never thought I’d fall for someone with the sexual appetite that Ethan has, but when I met him at the hospital at the beginning of the year, all I wanted to do was better acquaint myself with every inch of him.

  I’ve never had sex outside of a relationship, however, so making the effort to get to know Ethan made it all worth it that much more. I also never topped every time in a relationship, either, but Ethan is set in his ways and we both enjoy it.

  My mind wanders to the night we first had sex and I feel my scrubs tighten in the crotch. I quickly think about something to turn me off and go back to my food.

  ***

  “Carrie wants you to look at her computer later,” I say, looking across the table at Ethan. The restaurant isn’t as busy as I thought it would be and the quiet is nice for a change.

  “She say what’s wrong with it?”

  “Just slow,” I say. “She thinks it’s a virus or something.”

  “Alright,” he says. He looks back down at his menu and chews on his bottom lip out of habit.

  He looks up at me, notices me looking at him and says, “What?”

  “Just watching you chew that lip of yours.”

  “Sorry,” he says. “I just do it when I’m nervous.”

  “What are you nervous about?”

  “I’m just exhausted,” he says. “I haven’t slept, so I’m tired, and I haven’t eaten since this morning, so I’m hungry, and I’m afraid to go back to sleep tonight and—“

  “When you first started having these,” I say, cutting him off, “it was once every few weeks, and now, it’s every other day. You need to go talk to someone about this, Ethan.”

  “I know,” he says. “Let’s not talk about it, alright?”

  “Sure,” I say with a sigh, “let’s just ignore it.”

  He looks over at me and closes his eyes.

  “I don’t want to deal with it right now,” he says.

  “It’s not going to just go away,” I say.

  The waitress comes over and takes our order. Ethan’s mood doesn’t change while he’s telling her what he wants and she seems confused as to why he’s so off-putting.

  “Thank you,” I say, handing her our menus.

  “I know it’s not just going to go away,” he says, “but why ruin dinner over it. I’ll deal with it, Cody. Just let it go.”

  I don’t say anything and look around the room from table to table. Everyone is dressed up for the evening and smiling and laughing and all I can think about is that Ethan is in a terrible mood and probably doesn’t want to even be here in the first place.

  “What?” he says.

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “I know,” he says. “That’s why I know something’s wrong with you.”

  “I’m just worried about you, Ethan,” I say. “Really, that’s all. You don’t have to explain it all to me and we don’t have to talk about it. End of story.”

  “How was work today?” he says, picking up his glass and taking a drink of his beer.

  “Same old, same old.”

  “Save any lives?”

  “No,” I say, “but I did watch a woman throw up a condom today.”

  He freezes in his seat, slowly opens his mouth and says, “Are you fucking serious?”

  “She’s like one of those strange addiction people you see on TV and eats a condom everyday with her lunch. It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen a lot of weird shit, too, so I was just kind of mind blown with it all. I’m really glad I had to work today.”

  He doesn’t say anything, as his eyes grow wider.

  “She came in complaining of a scratchy throat and really bad stomach pains, and then, yeeeeah.”

  “God,” he says, “your job is so cool.”

  “It has its moments.”

  “Are you going to be like this the rest of the night now?”

  “I’m not doing anything,” I say, raising my eyebrows.

  “You’re in a mood now,” he says. He leans on his elbows and runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m fine. Please, just leave this alone for right now. If it gets to where I can’t handle it, you’ll be the first one to know.”

  “OK,” I say, as sincere as I can. “Just…please let me know if that happens. I don’t want to lose you because your mind destroyed you.”

  “I will.”

  Our food comes twenty minutes later and Ethan barely touches his food.

  “Why aren’t you eating?” I ask him.

  “I’m just not super hungry.”

  “You work a lot this week?”

  He shakes his head from side to side and says, “Mostly in the office, which is fine. I’m training some new kid to go out on the field and do a lot of the installing of the security software. I’m trying to get put in the office long term, at this point, because I’m sick of going from place to place. I hate driving.”

  “I wish I was as smart as you with all that computer stuff,” I say.

  “All you have to do is Google, Cod,” he says.

  “I find it easier to just not mess with it.”

  “And that’s the problem with people nowadays is the lack of trying,” he says.

  “Just like you and opening up to me about your dreams.” As soon as I say it, I wish that I hadn’t because his eyes immediately dart up to mine and his face grows serious. “Ethan, I—“

  He crosses his arms over his chest and says, “None of us ar
e perfect, I guess.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “You’re only saying what’s true,” he says. “It’s not because I don’t want too, though, which I don’t think you get. They’re just dreams and they’ll eventually go away.”

  “Ok, Ethan,” I say. I push my plate to the side and put my hands on top of my head as we lock eyes, neither of us blinking. The waitress comes back and Ethan asks for a box as I get the bill and go to pull my card out of my wallet.

  “I’ll get it,” he says. “It’s the least I can do for ruining our dinner.”

  “You didn’t ruin anything,” I say.

  “I forgot to tell you,” he says, reaching back and grabbing his coat off his chair, “Elliot and Will are going to be back at the end of next month. Hadley talked to him last night.”

  “Any wedding plans?”

  “No,” he says. “I’m guessing it will be a small thing with the friends and family. Elliot isn’t the type to go over board, and Will doesn’t care as long as he gets to marry Elliot.”

  “That’s cute,” I say, smiling.

  “They couldn’t be any cuter if they tried,” he says. “It’s a bit disgusting, really.”

  “That’s something we’ve never talked about,” I say. “Marriage and kids and all that.”

  Ethan turns red and says, “I’ve never seen myself having it all. I’ve never felt like I deserved any of it.”

  “You deserve everything you want, Ethan.”

  “Maybe I just didn’t want it enough in the past to really think about it. Another subject for later, yeah?”

  “Excited for next weekend?”

  He instantly lights up and says, “I’ve been waiting for months. I missed them when they were on tour last time, so I’m a tad excited.”

  “Good,” I say.

  “I wish you were going,” he says. “It would’ve been nice to experience it with you.”

  “I know,” I say, “I’m sorry. If work wasn’t the way it was then I would’ve. I don’t have to work nights, but it’s still really busy.”

  “I know,” he says. “Oh well, Sam is the one who got me hooked on them anyway, so I guess it’s only right that him and I go together.”

  “Just don’t get too crazy when you guys go down there.”

  He laughs and says, “Me, acting crazy? Never.”

  ***

  “Can you fix it?” Carrie asks Ethan, as he looks at her computer.

  “You don’t have a virus,” he says. “You just don’t have any hard drive space left.”

  “So,” she says, “what do I do?”

  “Delete stuff,” he says, laughing. “It looks like you keep everything, and you can do that, just not on a laptop like this. These are really made for just Internet surfing, emails and stuff like that. They make hard drives that you can put all this extra stuff on. You’ll just have to plug it in when you want to get to it all.”

  “I’ll do that then,” she says, putting the dishes away from the dishwasher. “Your boyfriend is so helpful, Cod.”

  “I like him, too,” I say. Ethan buries his head into my shoulder and closes his eyes. I run my fingers through his hair and turn the volume up on the TV. The latest episode of my favorite medical-drama is on and I sit up straighter as it starts.

  “I heard someone dies in this episode,” Ethan says.

  “Probably,” I say. “They kill off a lot of their characters.”

  “Thank you, Ethan,” Carrie says, shutting the cabinet door and making her way towards her the living room. “I think I’m going to go take a pill and knock myself out until tomorrow morning.”

  “Get some rest,” I say.

  “Goodnight, Miss Morrison,” Ethan says. Carrie laughs as she makes her way back to her bedroom and I hear the door shut as I bring my focus back to the TV and Ethan.

  “You want to watch this before bed, or save it for tomorrow?” I ask Ethan.

  He leans off my shoulder, brings his mouth to my ear and says, “I want something before bed, but it’s not on TV.”

  A chill goes through my body as he breathes in my ear and I feel my cock harden instantly. He saddles himself on my lap and grabs my face with both of his hands. I stick my hands up the back of his shirt and slowly scratch down as he shoves his tongue in my mouth.

  As I go to sit up, he wraps his legs around my waist and I drown my face in his neck, taking in the scent of him. I stand up and guide us to the bedroom as he continues kissing his way from my mouth to my neck.

  I lay him down on the bed and he takes off my shirt as I move back off of him. His cock is hard under his shorts and he moans as I slowly pull them off and throw them to the side. I stick his cock in my mouth and move my tongue up and down his whole length.

  Ethan digs his hands into the sheets and arches his hips up slowly as I deep throat him and play with his ass.

  “You like that?” I say, taking my mouth off of him and jerking him off.

  “Mm-hmm,” he says, as I move my mouth from his cock to his hips.

  He flips himself over and slowly gets on his knees, as he pushes his ass into my face. I spit into my palm, lather my cock and move my thumb back and forth between his cheeks. I spit directly into the middle of his cheeks and he moans, as I tease him with my cock - moving it up and down between his cheeks.

  I stick the tip of my cock in as Ethan slowly thrusts his body back and forth; forcing me deeper inside of him each time he does it. The pleasure is relentless and I fall from my knees to my back as Ethan moves out of me and gets on top of my chest. He hovers above me, spits in his palm and he grabs my cock as he easily sits on it and it slides inside of him with minimal effort.

  The headboard hits against the wall and I smile as he rides me back and forth - jerking himself off in the process. I can feel myself getting closer to coming as I bite my tongue and move my hands along the ridges on his stomach. I knock his hand out of the way as I continue jerking him off and, with every second that goes by, I can feel myself getting closer and closer to coming.

  “I’m close,” I say, thrusting my hips up and down.

  “I am, too,” he says, keeping up with my motions.

  I unload inside of him, as he unloads all over my chest, and I smile as he drops down to my chest and sticks his tongue in my mouth again.

  “Jesus,” he says, “I sure do like fucking you. Our bodies go together like cheese and wine.”

  “Like peanut butter and jelly.”

  “Like pizza and breadsticks,” he says, laughing.

  He gets off the bed and makes his way to the shower. I lie there and the thought of sex quickly leaves my mind as the thought of waking up tomorrow and seeing him on my couch takes over.

  The nightmares aren’t going to stop and Ethan is either in denial about all of it, or he doesn’t want to stress me out about the dreams and, either way, something needs to change.

  Chapter Three

  Ethan

  “I STILL DON’T KNOW WHY WE had to drive all the way there,” I say, scrolling through the music that Sam has on his phone. “Flying would have gotten us there in no time at all.”

  “It will be fun,” Sam says, smiling. “We haven’t taken a road trip like this since we went to Vegas with El.”

  “And the car ride there was awful.”

  “You slept most of the way,” he says.

  “Yeah,” I say, “but the time that I spent awake was awful.”

  “I can’t believe we are seeing them,” he says.

  “You’ve already seen them like four times.”

  “I know,” he says, “but it’s still exciting as shit.”

  “I’m excited, too,” I say. “I’ve never been to a concert before.”

  Sam tilts his head towards me, raises his eyebrows and says, “What?”

  “Nope,” I say, “not one.”

  “But you live in Chicago?” he says.

  “I’ve just never liked a band enough to go,” I say. “
When I was in college, I was so poor that I couldn’t go and I got with you-know-who right out of college and he wouldn’t let me do anything and since then, I just haven’t went.”

  “Well,” he says, “I’m glad you get to spend your first time with your best friend.”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I say, laughing. “Is the hotel decent?”

  “Yeah,” he says. “It’s close to the civic center. I’ve stayed there before.”

  “What else are we going to do this weekend?”

  “We can do whatever, really. It’s up to you.”

  “I’ve never even been to Columbus.”

  “Have you ever traveled outside of Chicago, Ethan?”

  “Yes,” I say. “London.”

  “And?”

  “That’s it really.”

  “Jesus, man,” he says. “You need to live a little.”

  “I know,” I say. “Baby steps. I wish Cody was coming with us.”

  “Cody’s a good dude.”

  “There’s tension with us,” I say, looking out the window.

  Sam turns down the volume and says, “Why?”

  “I’ve been having nightmares for awhile now.”

  “Rick?”

  He looks at me, I nod my head up and down and say, “He doesn’t know the reason I’m having them or what they’re really about. He just knows that when he finds me on the couch the next morning, I had one.”

  “So,” he says, “why don’t you just tell him the truth?”

  “I don’t think he’s ready for it all.”

  “He’s not ready,” he says, “or you’re not ready?”

  “I’m not,” I say.

  I look up at the sky and see nothing but dark clouds and raindrops hitting the window. The atmosphere fits my mood perfectly ever since I started having the dreams again. I’ve been distant to everyone, including Cody, and it needs to stop. I need to stop letting him win.

  “It’s understandable,” he says.

  “But it’s not acceptable.”

  “That’s for you to decide, Ethan. None of us know the full extent of what he put you through.”